Gwen reached for the letter with tears beginning to stream down her face and began to read: Dearest Gwen, I am writing this letter with the hardest of hardened hearts. I know that there is no forgiving or excusing me for what I have done, but I beg for your pardon. We both know that the last few months have been a test of character for me as well as an opportunity to place my life in perspective.
My actions show that I have failed at both miserably. I have taken the time
to have a moment for myself and I have discovered that I don't like who I
am and what I represent. I don't like waking up and knowing that I have
had more men inside of me than I have me inside of me, and I can never get
that part of me back. I know that it's a little confusing, but what do you
expect from a confused individual? I guess Marvin Edgewater was the best
thing that ever happened to me. Without him changing my life, I guess I
would have never seen the true me.
This letter is not intended to be long and drawn out, nor is it meant to be
a tearjerker. I just wanted to give you an explanation and to say goodbye.
I didn't want you to go through the rest of your life wondering why I did
what I did. Simply, I couldn't bare living with HIV or AIDS. I remember
Marvin telling me in the letter that he wrote that he prayed for my soul to be
spared, but you know how shaky my relationship was with GOD. I'm sure
HE is ready for me to stop screwing up HIS world.
I guess I should have
taken those tests you suggested I take a long time ago. I just couldn't bare
living if the results came back positive. I'm sure they are, he also prayed to
let me be infected. Prayer works in all cases, right?
Gwen, my dearest friend, my best friend and only true friend, I love
you. Thank you for always trying to show me the way. It's only sad that I
didn't have the courage to try the path you set before me. Know in your
heart of hearts that I am a good person. I will be watching you...that you
can believe!
P.S.
Ask them to play our song at my homecoming.
Missing you already, Jes
Gwen attempted to remain strong after reading the last words of her
best friend. Detective Jacobson, who had given Gwen a box of kleenex to
dry her face, offered Gwen a moment to be alone before identifying Jes'
body. Gwen declined and asked where they had found the body.
"Her body was found at the Hollywood Inn. We got a call from the
hotel about a loud commotion and when we arrived on the scene we
found a bolted door. We rammed the door and found Jessica lying atop
the hotel bed wearing a wedding gown and holding a bouquet of flowers."
"A wedding gown and a bouquet of flowers?" Gwen asked confusingly.
"Yeah, we thought it was strange also. Oh by the way, this had your
name on it also," Detective Jacobson said as he reached inside his coat
jacket. "I'm taking a big chance by giving this to you, but I figured
Jessica wanted you and only you to have it."
"Thank you," Gwen said as she took the envelope that had her name
on it and placed it in her purse.
"Where did you get this from?"
"I took it from a box that she had sitting next to her. Because I was
the first Detective to arrive on the scene, I had a chance to look around.
When I realized it was Jessica that I had found, I knew that you would
want answers and any information that I could find. I know how close
the two of you were. "
"Thank you again," Gwen said as she prepared to I.D. of Jes' body.
"Detective, did anyone perform blood work?"
"Yes and we are waiting for the results to return. It should be
anytime now."